Where I need to be

Where have I been?

Minutes before the start of my son’s soccer game, I cried. I gasped for breath when I read the news that Michael Patrick Lynch had died. Michael was the Irondequoit teen who was struck by a car while crossing the street on his way to school. 

I cried because for a moment, I felt the unfathomable loss of a mother who suddenly lost her 14-year-old son. 

I cried because I knew Bernadette DiMaggio Lynch, Michael’s mom. I got to know her a little when we were cast mates in Listen to Your Mother Rochester 2015. 

I cried because I knew Michael was not the first son she had lost. Bernadette and I had experienced infertility and knew what it was like to yearn for a pregnancy. Although our stories were different, we had to come to terms with anger, loss, and sadness. Listen to Your Mother (LTYM) was one way for us to share our stories with other women and show them they are not alone. Bernadette reflected on the loss of her baby Matthew and revealed the bright gifts rising from bleakness when she told her story “Lights in Darkness” upon the stage at the Memorial Art Gallery May 8, 2015. That day, her son Michael turned 13 and he seemed proud to share it with his mother. He was exactly where he needed to be.

“Sometimes life doesn’t work out exactly as you planned.” Bernadette’s words continue to echo, like the pounding of April rain on a Saturday afternoon. I am exactly where I need to be.

These past two weeks must have been hell for Bernadette. I won’t pretend to know. I was wrapped up in my job, my family, my life. I had lost touch with family, friends and especially, former LTYM cast mates, whom I shared so much with in the buildup prior to our LTYM Rochester debut. 

One thing I know for sure, I am exactly where I need to be. Here are some of my favorite moments:

• I am at my son’s soccer game.
• I am eating breakfast with my son before he sprints to catch the high school bus.
• I am playing with my dogs.
• I am holding hands with my husband.
• I am riding my bike along the Erie canal.
• I am celebrating Easter with my family.
• I am living.

In a world marked with unrelenting bleakness, I, too, am finding lights in darkness. 

Peace, love and strength to all who have loved and lost, struggled to overcome life’s challenges, and continue to battle their demons.

You are exactly where you need to be.

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