Tag Archives: reflection

Feeling ignored by my kid

Feeling ignored
Have you ever felt ignored by your kid?
Yeah. Me, too.

Players began to cluster like grapes around blue resin tables in the cafeteria of the indoor multi-sport arena.

The air was thick with the smell of rubber and rotten corn chips beneath the blaring institutional lights on a cold winter afternoon.

My son leaned into his soccer teammates, talking texting, scrolling, and tapping like they do when they get into their little sewing circle. I hesitated, then stood up from my seat and took a step towards him. James sensed my movement and looked at me with horror. He shook his head no and waved his hand.

Clearly, I would not be welcomed with open arms to his tribe.

I averted my eyes and sank into the stiff chair, feeling ignored, lonely, and sad. I saw other parents sitting with their teenagers. Why can’t I sit with my kid? Was he embarrassed by me? I didn’t have to come and watch, you know.

I wanted to scream at the injustice, and then thought better of it. I came with a sore throat, body aches and throbbing head. And now my ego was bruised.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally and make crazy assumptions, but all I wanted was to go home, curl up on the couch and cry.

I could leave James behind because he drove himself to the tournament, having passed his driver’s test only days earlier. With each passing moment, his independence and confidence grows, while I mourn the loss of his childhood.

This progression towards adulthood is supposed to happen, I tell myself. It will be okay. He is self-reliant, but still needs my love, guidance and support. He just doesn’t need it all at once, right this minute.

And so I take a deep breath, exhale, brush away a tear and wait until the next game begins.

What do you think? This is my best work today. Thanks for reading. If you like this post, please feel free to share it with your friends. Follow me on: Facebook, Instagram (@kristinebruneau), or Pinterest.

When the moment gets real

When the moment gets real and gut wrenching, I take out a notebook and pen to write down the bones of my feelings. Perhaps it is the flight in me to draw inward, away from the world towards freely expressing what’s in my head. Then again, it may be the fight in me to wrestle with complicated feelings, chronicle moments of joy, or create a sense of peace and calm.

Summer got real five months ago in western NY like the long anticipated smile from an infant gazing into his mother’s face. Clouds like tiny fists tumbled across blue skies. A warm breeze beckoned the ash’s feathery leaves to bow and bend. White blossoms danced across the great lawn, open to new beginnings.

As days grew longer, lilacs and peonies bloomed like children swelling with delight to begin summer vacation. The time of brightness and warmth had finally arrived for real and I couldn’t wait for the grass to tickle my toes and gaze into starlit nights. Music and laughter drifted over backyard patios while crickets buzzed, chirped and hummed to their lovers.

By October, the insect chorus fell silent; their love dead and gone. The Autumn Applause had burst into brilliant hues of red, orange and yellow. In the blink of an eye, the moment was whisked away by icy gusts – nothing gold can stay.

Outside my window, November snow falls gently on the majestic blue spruce; pine cones lie scattered in frozen patterns on the ground. I am stunned by the cold, starkness of the real scene.

My desk light casts shadows upon my notebook. Doubt rises like water boils for coffee. Surrounded by great literary minds, my prose pales to the likes of Shelly, King and Dickinson. Wise teachers reach through tattered pages with sage advice for writing practice. Strunk and White, Zinsser and Goldberg urge me forward.

Masters and humble practitioners grace my shelves and fill my mind with more ideas than I can keep up with. I hunch over my book and squeeze my pen, choking words and phrases that leave me sore. I give in to the moment and give it all I can. But is it enough? This moment is uncomfortable, exciting, and real.

What do you think?

This is my best work today. Thanks for reading. If you like this post, please feel free to share it with your friends. Follow me on: FacebookInstagram (@kristinebruneau), or Pinterest.  

Holiday Tune-Up

As holiday songs play from the car radio, the harsh glare of the Service Engine Soon light on the car dashboard is unrelenting.

Every time I get into the car to drive to a store, or to work, or to soccer practice, it is in my face, reminding me to take care of the car. 

Neglected for too long, a car’s engine will ultimately fail. Vehicle warning lights indicate a problem or potential problem with the system or component. It could be something as simple as a broken taillight, to a more serious problem like transmission failure.

My husband says that the warning light also reminds him that he, too, needs a tune-up. 

I think he’s got a point. Little stressors are adding up in my life. A reorganization at work, a homework meltdown (or two), and discovering the dog has vomited on the carpet (again). These little things build upon each other to create a buzzing hive inside my head. Like the car, my body is giving me warning signs, too. I’m feeling tired, sad and sluggish. A few days ago I got a bloody nose. My neck and shoulders are tense from too much mousing, and sometimes my hand falls asleep before I do. I can’t seem to finish anything I start, and my diet resembles Will Farrell’s elf-food pyramid of sugary foodstuff consumption in the movie Elf. (Check out this story of 8 things you never knew about the Christmas movie Elf).

In the midst of rushing around during this joyous holiday season, there’s no better time than now to take pause and check in with what our bodies need.

Service Engine Soon is my new mantra to stop, breathe, and check in and ask myself: Do I need to move, play, nap, nourish, or nurture? What does my body need right now

Whatever it is you need to recharge and refresh your engine before the end of the year, go do it. And put the M&Ms down!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

What do you think?

This is my best work today. Thanks for reading. If you like this post, please feel free to share it with your friends. Follow me on: FacebookInstagram (@kristinebruneau),  Twitter (@kristinebruneau), or Pinterest