When I became a multimillionaire

January 9, 2016
Dear James,

When you were born I became a multi-millionaire.

I thought I was lucky. But luck had nothing to do with you coming into my life.

You have brought me so much joy. I cannot bear to think of life without you. Yet, across the street and all over the world a mother like me is living without her son. Their grief gives me pause. Yes, I am blessed to have had 14 years with you in my life. And I want many, many more years to watch you grow. I have more hugs and kisses to give, more advice to dispense, more listening to do.

Raising a son who is kind, honest and loving is not easy. I make mistakes as often– if not more – as you. I try to protect and shield you from the ugliness in this world. But keeping you from seeing reality is not always the right choice. Letting you take risks, regardless of the consequences – good or bad – is an important part of growing up. I have to learn to loosen my mother cord. I’m grateful that your father is walking this path beside me. At worst our parenting is imperfect. At best, we don’t know whether or not we’ve made a difference in teaching you valuable lessons. Over time, gratitude and respect grow from the seeds we’ve sown. Slivers of green poke through the dirt when I least expect it: watching you solve a problem on you own, observing you pitch in without being asked, or listening to you when you tell me to relax and breathe when I’m angry.

Together, we learn and grow.

Today, I am a multimillionaire because I have you in my life.

Love,
Mom