I write like that: in fits and stops.
Bits of prose, poetry, and rhyme wind along the road to nowhere. There is no ending, yet. There is just a feeling I must put on paper. This feeling spills from my finger tips, into my notebook or on the screen. Captured.
I am crushing it.
I can’t keep up. These swirls of words inside my mind sound radiant. Magnificent. If only I could keep up with my racing thoughts, but not edit. No, just let inspiration flow intimately, brilliantly until my body is wrung out, sore from sitting in the same position for hours. Words flow until I have nothing left to give.
I travel from lush, memory palaces to bare, brittle branches swaying upon brisk gusts on an autumn morning. I lean into the vortex to see if there is more, and tumble down the rabbit hole. I let myself be pulled in and engulfed in arc and flame. Again, I am blinded by the ebony of darkness – an absence of light and clarity.
How did it come to this?
A self-imposed bipolar diagnosis. Once calm like the blue-white sea waters on the travel brochure promising magic, and then manic like a puppy who can’t contain herself when a familiar scent walks into the room. From this to that. From cool detached observance, to the hot, angry tear of flesh rippling with sarcasm. From the prickly numbness of my hand falling asleep, to the certainty of meditative uncomfortableness.
I awaken.
And pop a lemon drop in my mouth, which always reminds me of my grandmother Grace.
Howdi Kris!
This article totally resonated with me. I have struggled with bi-polar disorder and ADHD all of my life. It can lead to a pretty insular life style at times. I too wish I could transmit my thoughts to the screen because I can’t keep up with them. My mind has a mind of its own you might say. Maybe that’s why I’m writing. The road that I have allowed it to take me on has been bumpy with many twists and turns. Letting go and going with the flow has been my only reliable avenue to keeping my happiness. It is hard to meditate though. I’m still learning that discipline. lol
I’m curious. Did you get “burned” (I’m speaking metaphorically here) when you went down the rabbit hole? Our reality here in the third dimension is one of “duality”. Without the darkness there can be no light. There is a cause for every effect. I have found that my greatest disappointments and deepest wounds in life have opened doors to new and better opportunities. I just had to look for them. It required the use of my intuition to move way beyond cause and effect in order to have the insight to see that “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.” (Rolling Stones) Remember that?!! You paint a most excellent picture with your words. How is Gram?
Andy Kincaid
P.S: I hope that you don’t mind me writing after all of these years.
Don’t you just love Grace? I do.